Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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