Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
