I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize