Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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