sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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