I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize