I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize