He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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