we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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