it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
