Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
