Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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