WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
