all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
