I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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