$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
