i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
