I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
40s are totally the cure
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
