worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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