He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
