Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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