do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
