did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize