He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
