I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
