What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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