I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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