I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize