I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
