Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
