Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
