they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
