I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize