eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
