Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
