sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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