you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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