capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
