Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
