My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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