is your mom at the bar?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
