yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
