i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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