this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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