no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
