Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
