i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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