She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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