but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
