Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
