Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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