The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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