But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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