The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
