Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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