All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize