She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
