Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
