i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
