I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
