if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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