Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
