I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
