we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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