i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
