Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
