After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
