he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this boner is exhausting
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
