I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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