did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
