You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
