I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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