I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
