he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
