If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
